Friday, December 31, 2010

"Youth" is when you're allowed to stay up on New Year's Eve. "Middle age" is when you're forced to, and "Old age" is when you can't.

Unfortunately, 2010 has left me bitter and wondering whether you might be available sometime soon to hear me complain about it.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My Top Ten New Year's Resolutions 2011

1. To continue being awesome.
1. To try and get even
2. To start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
3. To get my life in order...ish
4. To not start 2011with a hangover
5. To not let the New Year peer pressure me into making promises I'm not going to keep.
6. To join a gym, and possibly even go there occasionally....(ha...I even laughed at this one myself!)
7. To somehow change the world's negative perception of cellulite.
8. To no longer be condescending to morons. Poor things can't help it.
9. To adhere to my resolutions for longer than 24 hours.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I feel bad for illiterate people:

They have never experienced the joy of finding DIRTY WORDS spelled out in their alphabet soup.

What did you think I meant?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Day After Christmas

It's the day after Christmas and all through the estates,
Everyone is napping after emptying their plates,
The presents are all opened, the stockings are bare,
The Christmas tree is falling over, but no one seems to care,
The kitchen is in shambles, the whole house torn apart,
What was that noise, did Uncle Wilber just fart?

The food is all eaten, the booze is all drank,
The cupboards are empty, as is the fish tank?
There's packages, ribbons, and bows everywhere,
In a planter I found someone's underwear,

All I can say, and I say it with some fears,
Just wait till next week, the day after NEW YEARS!!!

What happened to my page template today? Everything is all out of whack??

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I asked Santa for a million dollars...I got a candy cane....Santa's generosity is greatly exaggerated.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Spirit

Someone told me that if you want to feel great eliminate stress from your life. They also said stress is the result of things unfinished.

I went to my cupboard and found a 1/2 bottle of Jack I finished it.

I gotta admit, I do feel feel much better

Merry Christmas everyone. Thanks for laughing with me at my twisted humor.

Each day is one day closer to the full-time dream. I hope one day we all get there.  

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Saturday morning cartoons

Some of us are old enough to remember when the only cartoons on TV were on Saturday mornings. In today's world of cartoons 24/7, the once common term "Saturday Morning Cartoons" is a term no longer valid so no longer used.

Then there are the terms used widely today that didn't exists back then like "blogging", "internet", "webpage", and "cellphone". Using any of these words back in the 70's would have gotten strange looks from the folks in that time. Yet today they are routinely part of everyday conversation.

One term still in use today as it was back then is taking a, "Saturday afternoon nap"....hummm.....not a bad idea.