If cars could run on BS, we would ALL have full tanks. Always.

It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just 100% sure you're full of crap.

Time for me to fly.

Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.

If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is no.

Some parts of the world use the Internet to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.

I think I may have miscalculated my ability to enjoy my job.

My bank has a new service where I can text them & they will text me back my balance. I could do without the LOL at the end of it though.

"Advice for the Day: Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast."

Last night, I was drinking at a bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

Some crazy guy in a funny hat & a tie chased me on foot for several blocks! I think he wanted to drive.

Some people say that all of my dreams will come true if I work hard enough. What if my dream is to not work hard?

Winter: It's like the crazy murderer in a horror movie. Just when you think it's dead, it strikes one last time.

"Ignorance is bliss" is my personal motto because it hasn't steered me wrong and even if it has, how would I know?